Something that I have struggled particularly hard with for most of my life has been learning to love where I am. There has always been this undercurrent of anxiety coursing through my veins telling me that there must be somewhere better than here. No matter where I have lived. What wonderful house or apartment I had the pleasure of enjoying. Different sides of town. Even in different states.
Nothing ever felt right.
Like, I could never allow myself to fully spread out and settle. My life goals have always somewhat been focused on where am I going to go next? What is the next best thing? It has to be somewhere better than here.
My here was never good enough.
Now I look back at all the places I have lived, and [almost] every time I have moved on to that next, new place I found that I missed so much of what I had before.
So then, of course, the next logical step was to start pining for that next new place that will also be like the old times.
What is this crazy cycle of longing for new/old times?
I spent decades with my mind trapped in this constant cycle of longing for what I had lost, but wanting to move on to somewhere better than where I was, but have it somewhat be like what I had before. As I look at it now, I totally see why I got stuck in that cycle. (man, it’s heavy, and I think it best to save all that business for another blog post, maybe. One day.)
I have not been allowing myself to really see the here and now.
To enjoy the moment as it is happening, not as a memory past. I wasn’t letting the next moments roll in and enjoying each one, one at a time. And only one at a time.
Instead, I was non-stop focusing simultaneously on what I have lost and what I don’t have yet. Straddled somewhere in-between, but not necessarily in the present moment, where one would logically think resides between the two.
Each moment really is just a memory passing by. Now I stop to see it.
There is a reason I am exactly where I am. I want that reason to feel good. So, I am going to make it feel good.
Then I am going to remember it feeling wonderful and I am going to always want to make all of my moments feel that wonderful.
I want to see it all.
Take it all in. Really focus on the emotions of the moment and how wonderful I feel. Savor that feeling.
When I started directing my attention to feeling good in every moment my entire perspective of my current surroundings and situation completely changed. I keep reaching for good-feeling thoughts and better phrasings for things that are happening in my life, and suddenly those are the only thoughts I am having.
“I love where I am.”
This place really has helped me to become who I am today. I am ready to allow myself to fully embrace it as a part of my life, and choose to make this part of my life feel good.
“I choose to make the best of what I have.”
I honestly love everything around me. I love my life. I love the other people in my life that I interact with every day. I am enjoying where I am now.
“I look forward to what the future holds, but for right now, this is absolutely beautiful.”
Just be here. Right now. Just for a quick moment, drop all external expectations of you, and feel the goodness of here, right now.